Sometimes we just need to be humbled. I am fortunate to have enough kitchen experience at this point in my life that most of my attempts turn out pretty ok. This was not one of those times. I've made muffins plenty of times, and they really aren't the most challenging of undertakings.
Didn't seem to matter, as I just couldn't seem to pay enough attention to what I was doing to make these turn out even remotely tasty, at least for my nit-picky standards.
Oatmeal apple pie muffins, with spelt flour. Crap. And now compost.