Life is always stressful. Curveballs are constantly being thrown, the
sand keeps shifting. Walls go up, doors
are slammed shut. In general, I like to
think I can keep one step ahead, I can maintain some semblance of
perspective. Lately, however, not so
much. There are times in all of our lives
when the Force of Evil cracks his knuckles, and sets to work. The boxing gloves go on, and he hits you with
so many combination punches that your guts feel like jelly. He’s a wily one, knowing just what spots,
what feelings, are most vulnerable to attack, and that’s where he sets his
focus.
I find myself at present with the
tortuous gift of too much time on my hands.
I don’t mean to say that I am not busy, but I am one of “those people”
who thrives on lots of activity, who loves having my hands in many pots while
simultaneously dipping my toe into new waters.
I already think too much, and having extra time and fewer projects means
my brain is smoking. A lot has been
stripped away lately, deeply emotional desires and wishes have yet to
materialize, prayers are being answered in a language I cannot translate.
I am slogging through the mire,
my boots filling with muck, the fetid stench of rotting things assaulting and
burning my eyes, nose, and throat. So,
how does one climb out? Where is the
firm land? Frankly, I don’t think it
exists, not temporally anyway. All I really
want to find is maybe two tall, straight, sturdy trees, between which I can
string my humble hammock and rest awhile, before striking out, stronger for the
rest, continuing on my life’s journey.
One factor has remained constant
through this extended period of introspective philosophy: I still love food. I love learning about it, reading about it,
cooking it, eating it, discovering it.
Even through these difficult times, I still get excited about a new
cookbook, a beautiful meal, a great food experience.
Baby steps. Baby steps.
The Road Less Taken would usually be my route, the more exciting
path. But at times like this sometimes
you need to take the well-worn path of what you know, to reassure yourself of
what makes you, you. What I think can
happen, and what I really hope will, is that while traveling along this path I
will find a new offshoot. I will stop to
wipe my brow, and there beyond a set of branches I have passed a thousand
times, I will spy a new trail. The sun
will filter down, bathing it in appealing light, that familiar giddy feeling
will hit again, and hopefully I will be on my way.
In the meantime, I will keep
reading, forcing myself to write, eating, and cooking. Nothing too exciting has come out of this kitchen
as of yet, but I am doing it, making things I know will not upset me at a time
when I feel fragile. A failure just
might send me over the edge.
So what has been coming off the stove and out
of the oven lately? A virtual
hodgepodge, really. Sweet potato
chowder, dried wild blueberry and bacon scones, ice cream (dark chocolate and
vanilla), fish, shrimp, and chips, lentils, baked-bean style, buttermilk
pancakes, fried rice, and eggs, lots and lots of eggs. Tonight will be burgers with a fun Gloucester
cheese studded with onion and chive, sweet potato biscuit and sausage breakfast
sandwiches, and (hopefully, if I don’t lose steam) braised pork shanks. I don’t know.
We’ll see. I may lose all desire,
start sinking again, and just pick up a pizza.
But I have to keep trying. And
praying. And slogging.
Wild Blueberry and Bacon Scones
Makes 8
1 ¾ cup all-purpose flour
1/3 cup light brown sugar
¼ teaspoon fine sea salt
¾ teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ cup cold, unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
¾ cup old-fashioned oats
½ cup dried wild blueberries (or regular dried blueberries)
Zest of one lemon (preferably Meyer)
½ cup cooked chopped bacon (I use DLM thick-cut
hickory-smoked)
¾ cup buttermilk
Egg Wash made of 1 egg and 1 tablespoon milk
Raw sugar for garnish (optional)
Preheat oven to 375° and place rack in center of
oven. Line a sheet pan with parchment
paper and set aside.
In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the flour, brown
sugar, salt, baking soda, and baking powder.
Add the butter to the flour mixture and using a pastry blender, cut the
butter into the flour mixture until it resembles coarse crumbs. Add the oats, blueberries, zest, and bacon to
the flour mixture and mix until everything is evenly distributed. Add the buttermilk and stir until the dough
just comes together.
Transfer the dough to a lightly floured surface and knead
4-5 times. Pat into a 7-inch circle
about 1 ½ inches thick. Cut into 8
triangular pieces (like a pie) and transfer pieces to the sheet pan. Brush tops of scones with egg wash and
sprinkle tops with raw sugar.
Bake until golden brown and toothpick comes out clean, about
12-15 minutes. Transfer to cooling rack.
